Sunday, January 13, 2008

Just because you want it...

...doesn't mean you can have it.

That's one of the hardest lessons to learn in life, I think, especially when our society always tells us that anything we want, we can have. It's simply not true. For instance, no matter how badly I may have wanted to be a gymnast in the 7th grade, my body was not going to allow it. And a ballerina? heavy. Remember weebles? They wobbled but didn't fall down? Let's just say I'm not weeble and falling is something I'd have excelled at in either of those events.

But horses...horses were something I was able to do. Or at least thought I was able to do. The mustangs responded to me because I was quiet and took my time. They've been my passion for as long as I can recall. But as previously mentioned, the time I've spent with Firecracker of late has given me my share of doubts. And as I was out there with her last week it came to me that, sadly, just because I want her to respond, doesn't mean she will. And just because I want to have what it takes to accomplish a training mission in 100 days, doesn't mean I've been given the gift of making it so. Wanting it just isn't good enough...again.

Mom, my head still hurts!

No, this isn't a pitty party for one. Just a realization that not everyone is cut out to be a superstar. A harsh look into the face of bitter reality.

To help me with this battle within, I asked my bible study group to start praying for me and my decision to apply for the Western States Makeover. Not that I'd get in, not that suddenly Firecracker would start responding, but that God would make it abundantly clear whether or not I was to even send in the application. Emphasis on the abundantly part, because sometimes I hard to get through to...even for God.


Anonymous said...

Tracey, I have been praying that God will either open wide the door, or close in firmly. AMen. Don't let FC keep you at arms length too long with her head. She has lots of her body left and you need to get close enough to look at the wound. I think it is probably pretty much healed.

Tracey said...

Thank you, Lea! I'm going to mail you some pom poms, okay? And a little pleated skirt for when you do cheers for me :)

Katee said...

Tracey, I often tell people that My God is not a subtle God. He knows that I am not going to get the hint. He's pretty much gotta hit me over the head with whatever message it is He wants to communicate!